Dark Angel Musical
by Mrs. Pibb
Summary: This is a product of pure insanity and a break from angst. It's a songfic type of story and will hopefully not be written by just me. The first entry is mine and credit will be given to other contributers.


Act 1 Scene 1   
  
'IT'S RAININ MEN'   
  
  
A blond haired woman tosses her hair nonchalantly as she sneers at her makeup assistant.   
  
"Just a little more rouges..."   
  
"It's too late we're on." The woman whacks the blush brush out of her assistant's hand and smiles   
as it smacks some innocent bystander in the head.   
  
Insert Entertainment Tonight theme----   
  
"Hi I'm Mary Hart and tonight we're coming to you live from...well I'm not exactly sure where   
I'm coming from...my Clairol dye job is really killing my scalp!"   
  
"Cut! Where's my makeup assistant. You..gimme a cigarette and you.."   
  
"Mary...pssttt Mary.." The director gasps. "We're live."   
  
"What!" Quickly the perky blond haired woman bats her eyelashes. "Welcome to Broadway's newest   
feature..DARK ANGEL..the musical" A fake smile spreads across her face.   
  
"And we're out."   
  
Mary rolls her eyes and puffs her cigarette causing her eyelashes to flutter with each lungful.   
"Am I insured for that? Who insured my legs? Get him on the phone."   
  
Suddenly a lizard man, dog man, and several beady eyed look-alike kids cross her path. The dog   
man leans in... "It's gonna be a heck of a show."   
  
Mary's pretty blues widen in horror and she runs away screaming.. "You blaze!" He yells and smiles.   
  
Enter auditorium-----   
  
Darkness   
  
  
  
Suddenly a member of the audience yells, "Hey! Where's the shower scene?"   
  
The silhouette of a woman emerges from the shadows..then..gasp...IT'S WAYNE BRADY IN HEELS!   
  
Another theatre-goer whispers, "I never knew HE did the intro."   
  
"Ya! He sure does have a sexy voice..." Corky Romano winks. "Want some cookies?"   
  
"Ackum! I'm in the middle of an intro here.." Wayne raises his eyebrow.   
  
Silence follows.   
  
  
  
Stage lights up   
  
Curtain opens to reveal street scene backdrop   
  
Max sits on a stationary exercise bike, pedaling hard.   
  
Suddenly a man falls from above landing directly in front of her bike. She pouts her lips for   
a moment then gets off the bike.   
  
"Are you alright..RAFER!" Max checks his pulse..none..then smiles. "Glad that plotline's   
over with."   
  
Suddenly the sound of feet pattering backstage...   
  
"If only I had a sign that Logan and I were meant to be together...this virus is..."   
  
Two large women enter from offstage left.   
  
"HI!"   
  
"HI"   
  
"We're your weather girls!"   
  
"Uh-huh"   
  
"And have we got news for you!"   
  
"You better listen."   
  
"Get ready all you lonely girls...and leave those umbrellas at home!"   
  
Tacky 80's music begins to play in the background..the two women began bobbing their hips to the beat.   
  
"Wait a minute."   
  
Music stops abruptly   
  
"Who are you" Max asks dramatically her eyes still following the bobbing butts of her fellow players.   
  
"We're Logan's informants. You know the one's who tipped him off about the female transgenic   
designed to drop men out of windows...name's Gloria Stein-something I think???"   
  
Max raises her eyebrow.   
  
One woman nudges the other. "Martha...He told Asha about that...not Max..you know..angst, the   
writers are trying to put in angst!"   
  
"Oh!"   
  
"Well since the budget has been low lately we're also playing you're fairy godmothers..."   
  
Martha wraps her arm around Max. "You want a sign...well doll...I mean boo..here's a sign."   
She points up to Logan dangling out from a window of his apartment building.   
  
"Logan!" Max gasps.   
  
"It's rainin men...ackum your man.."   
  
Music starts again---   
  
The three women line up and began bobbing their hips, Max getting bumped mercilessly between   
the two -cough-fairy godmothers   
  
"Humidity is rising   
Barometer's getting low   
According to our sources   
The street's the place to go"   
  
All three women spin as Logan dangles from above struggling...HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLP   
JESS...I MEAN MAX!   
  
  
Max steps forward and belts out the next stanza as she raises her hand in the air.   
  
"Cause' tonight for the first time   
Just about half past ten   
For the first time in history   
It's gonna start raining LOGAN"   
  
Enter chorus line from off stage left consisting of Asha, Original Cindy, Kendra, and Normal   
and Sketchy in drag!   
  
Max moves closer to Asha as she continues gyrating her hips...both women stare at each other defiantly.   
  
"It's raining men"   
  
Right on beat Max whacks Asha on the head.   
  
"Hallelujah   
It's raining LOGAN"   
  
Another perfectly timed whack by Max.   
  
Amen   
  
Asha recovers while Sketchy and Normal desperately trying to cover up her mishaps by high kicking   
in front of her. Max steps forward and growls...   
  
"I'm gonna go out   
I'm gonna let myself get   
Absolutely soaking wet"   
  
Asha recovers and takes her place next to OC as the group forms a semicircle around Max.   
  
"It's raining men   
Hallelujah   
It's raining LOGAN   
Every specimen"   
  
Suddenly Asha steps forward, cups Max's mouth and blurts out.   
  
"Tall! Not-blonde scruffy and lean   
Rough and tough and he wants me!"   
  
Max throws her over her back then continues, faking a smile, plotting revenge..   
  
"God bless Mother Nature"   
  
The entire company pauses then...clap clap   
  
"She's a single woman too   
She took over heaven   
And she did what she had to do"   
  
"She fought every Angel"   
  
Max smiles at the reference.   
  
"And rearranged the sky"   
  
'Just like I'm gonna rearrange your face.' Max smiles as she now stands in front   
of Asha, who cowers knowing what is in store. Darn dance routine!   
  
"So that each and every woman   
Could find the perfect guy"   
  
' I resent that!' OC Screams as she begins shaking her head in sync with her hands.   
  
"It's raining men"   
  
Max kicks Asha on beat.   
  
"Hallelujah   
It's raining LOGAN"   
  
Max kicks Asha once more...and knocks her out   
  
"Amen"   
  
It's raining men   
Hallelujah   
It's raining LOGAN   
Amen"   
  
Logan continues screaming for help and struggling with Gloria as the entire company   
looks at Max oddly, then moves in front of Asha while jerking their hands to the beat.   
  
OC goes solo having an insight...   
  
"I feel angry Max moving in   
butt-kicking about to begin   
feel the punches   
Don't you loose your Keds   
Rip off the roof and Asha's head."   
  
The entire company sings   
  
"It's raining men   
Hallelujah   
It's raining LOGAN   
Amen"   
  
The music fades as all but Max exit left stage...suddenly Sketchy runs back out, heels   
clicking, and picks up Asha...dragging her off stage.   
  
The dramatic number ends and Max looks up   
  
"Hold on Logan!"   
  
"Sure...unless you want to burst into another elaborate musical number again."   
  
Logan rolls his eyes, tired of hanging and struggling with a crazed male-hating transgenic.


End file.
